First, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the new format. I've got to say - I love it. I've heard some gripes about the fact that the shortened time in between picks and the stand-alone first round have led to this being less of an "event" as it has been in the past. Many people apparently liked the fact that you could curl up on the couch with your laptop in front of you, hugging a twelve pack of Schlitz and settle in for the next 8 hours - and still have time to mow the lawn in between picks. Au Contraire. The new format has seemingly lent itself to a staggering amount of unpredictability. Not just in the war-rooms, either. Apparently this cavalier approach also found its way onto the studio sets and even the production van. And THAT, my friends, has made this more of an event that it ever has been in the past. I'm not sure if it was the primetime nature of the draft and a full moon was out last night or what, but that was simply the most entertaining first round I've ever seen. So entertaining, in fact, that I think it warrants a list of the Top Ten moments from last night's draft. And so we begin....
#10. Chris Berman fawning over Brett Favre yet AGAIN.
If you know me, you know my disdain for Boomer and my nearly equal disdain for all things Favre. Put them together and it's nearly enough to make my head explode. When it was announced a few weeks back that ESPN had renewed Berman's contract I broke down in tears. Sad tears. Not happy tears or even crocodile tears. Sad tears. This year it became evident that these events have passed Boomer by. He was like a drunk locomotive engineer up there, slurring, arm-waving, jumping all over the place.One of his greatest moments undoubtedly came when Steve Young tried to convince the audience that the Vikings would select Jimmy Clausen when their turn came up at the bottom of Round 1. Berman, angrily - defiantly even, dismissed Young. And then he dismissed him again. And then again. Finally, he revealed his true motivation, telling the world he was "doing everything I can to bring (Brett Favre) back" and saying that drafting a QB would not make The Golden One happy. Even for a man who once proclaimed that "Brett Favre is everything that's right with America", this is getting a bit ridiculous. His Favre Love levels are reaching Madden Territory. Stick to dreaming up super-creative nicknames that my seven-month old son could come up with Boomer, like Mike Iupati "mouth" and Rolando "Detective John" McClain.
#9. Detroit Lions fans celebrating at Radio City Music Hall
This was but a brief screenshot, right after the Lions swapped their 2nd rounder and some other picks with Minnesota to jump back into the first round to grab RB Jahvid Best. Nevertheless, I got a good chuckle out of the group of Lions fans donning hard hats, Joey Harrington jerseys and displaying banners to the camera as well as the obligatory "we're number 1" hand signals and screaming like banshees when the pick was announced. Poor Lions fans. The draft is their Super Bowl. They talk about it nonstop on sports talk radio once their season ends (by the third week of September) all the way until the season starts the following year. I admire the dedication. It takes a lot of cajones and dead brain cells to pack up your Lions gear and head to the Big Apple just to watch Roger Goodell step to the podium from 400 yards away and announce the name of the latest unsuspecting player whose career the Lions are prematurely killing. Well done.
#8. Josh McDaniels playing mock fantasy GM with his picks
I'm not even going to get into Tim Tebow here, specifically. What I want to talk about is how the thin air in the Mile High City is apparently getting to Josh McDaniels' head. His ego is out of control. I guess coaching under Bill Belichick will do that to you. This guy was trading draft picks like they were Pez. Trade back, trade back, trade forward. This isn't fantasy football, Josh. Was all of that really worth it to draft two players who may well have been around when you selected in the second round? Then, Chris Mortensen reveals to the world that McDaniels told him he ostensibly reached for Demaryius Thomas because he reminds him of......Brandon Marhsall??? Huh??
#7. The NY Giants draft a gymnast with the 15th pick
They do know this is football and not the Summer Olympics right? Yeah Yeah Jason Pierre-Paul is a raw talent. But he had six...yes six...career Div-I sacks. And that was in the Big East. Not exactly the resume you expect from a 15th pick. Even if the team brass is planning on brooming Osi Umeniyora out of town, the G-Men still have Justin Tuck and Mathias Kiwanuka on their roster, both of whom can still get after the quarterback. The Giants have a plethora of holes elsewhere on their defense. Hopefully Pierre-Paul can cartwheel and handspring around back there and confuse Tony Romo and Donovan McNabb before they pick apart the New York secondary.
#6. Todd McShay is relegated to Bristol
Poor McShay. Not only has he endured some beatings this year by other media members, scouts, and agents alike, but he basically was relegated to opening his presents by himself in the basement on Christmas morning. When the cameras did pan to him playing with his little i-Board flipping players and draft picks around, he looked like a shunned 5th grader....whose dog just died. And he sounded like it, too. Mel can't retire soon enough for Todd.
#5. The Tebow family matching turquoise shirts
I had a hard time deciding here between the turquoise shirts and Maurkice Pouncey (seemingly) inadvertently trying to tongue-kiss his brother, but it's gotta be the shirts. Those things were wicked. How many Tebows exactly were wearing them? I only counted two. Speaking of two - I guess double-pocketed dress shirts are the new thing. One to hold your mini scripture cards and one to hold the pictures you blackmailed Josh McDaniels with.....
#4. Mel Kiper's tireless defense of Jimmy Clausen
Mel is great. He identifies a guy at some point in his collegiate or even high school career as a top prospect and, dammit, he's sticking to him come hell or high water. He did it with Matt Stafford, he did it with Mike Williams, and he went down that path again last night with Clausen. Every time Mel possibly could, he twisted a team's needs around to justify how and why they might take his Golden Child. Mel was about to cry when the Broncos selected Tebow with Clausen still on the board. I can't wait for tonight!
#3. ESPN's production job
This one had me in stitches. There were so many flubs last night I lost track. I guess the move to primetime also presented a new challenge for the TV crew because the four-letter looked downright amateur-ish last night. I contemplated the switch over to the NFL Network early on, but man I'm glad I didn't. First, there was the Jon Gruden "dumbass" blast that the mics caught - apparently referring to the way coaches and GMs were drafting. Then there was the time the panel thought they went to commercial and were talking amongst themselves, only to have Berman realize the cameras and mics were still on them and frantically wave them off, the anger building in his brow. If only he would have broken out in a string of obscenities....There was the NY Jet fan double-birding the cameras after the Jets took Kyle Wilson and the camera that didn't quite pan away soon enough. The whole production was seemingly put together by a high school drama club. It was highly, highly entertaining.
#2. Speaking of Dumbasses.....
Do they get any bigger than Steve Young? Wow. He's been getting progressively worse over the years, and now I can hardly believe they keep him on the air. From his incoherent rants - of which he would never finish his thought, to his talking over people, on to his repeated referrals to Dallas WR "Austin Miles" and how huge his performance was last season, to his asking Mel Kiper if Dan Williams could play in a 3-4 during the supposed "off air" flub mentioned earlier (uh hello, Steve, isn't it your job to know such things?), Young was a one-man circus last night. The way Gruden was smirking at him all night was absolutely priceless. The only thing that surpassed Gruden's smirks were the icy "I want to kill you" glares Tom Jackson was sending Young's way. More Steve Young please, ESPN.
#1. Timothy Tebow's selection
You knew it was coming. What else could have been #1? This was just the ultimate moment from last night, and I couldn't have scripted it any better. The ensuing chaos was a sight to behold. A man in turquoise answers a phone, the New York crowd erupts. Gruden and Boomer start spewing some sunshine. Young tries to make 3 or 4 points that don't make sense and no one listens to. All the while you are left wondering....what does Mr. Bronco think? Until the camera flashes onto the panel and there is no doubt in anyone's mind. Yes, folks, Tom Jackson is absolutely LIVID! He's so mad he can't even speak. He wants to reach over and strangle Young but manages to compose himself. While he regains his composure, Tebow is interviewed and rambles on for five minutes about how he will try the bestest he can, and he will work the hardest anyone can ever work, and gosh darnit, people like him, all the while never taking a breath. Finally, TJ is composed enough to speak - barely. And only manages about 3 sentences before Young cuts him off. I think they cut to commercial at about this point, but I was laughing too hard to remember.
All in all, it was quite the show. Well done, NFL. Well done, ESPN. Please don't change a thing next year.